I saw a soul that wandered in the night
Outside a gate of gold;
It seemed her eyes had waited for the light
Through centuries untold.
She turned to me a face that seemed to plead
With terrors strange and vast;
"Tell me" she said, "if this be earth indeed,
Is not death almost past?
Or has the day of judgment come and gone,
And left me waiting here?
Is that the city of the blest, withdrawn
So far, and still so near?
It must be; I have sinned--what is the sin
They pardon nevermore?
I saw the Bridegroom, and the Bride go in,
And they have shut the door.
Are they not there, the friends I counted mine
Beyond reproach or doubt?
Their voices sound afar, their garments shine
Within--and I without.
Truly I had my portion in their pain,
I entered not their bliss;
And God, as he would prove my worship vain
Hath shut me out of his.
Behind, the empty world rings hollowly,
Before, the walls are dumb;
One mocking voice alone cries bitterly,
The end, the end, is come!
Here lieth low the strength that would have braved
The flood, and fiery dole!
Now let them save thee, whom thou wouldst have saved
At cost of thine own soul!
Alas! they gave me naught whereby to live,
No, not the crumbs that fall;
Yet it was God who taught me to forgive
And love in spite of all.
How have I missed Him? Could I climb above
To meet him face to face?
I have loved Love, and not the gifts of Love,
Yet I have lost his grace.
Still to his door my heart returns again
And lingers praying yet;
I am forgotten both of God and men,
Yet I cannot forget."
Alone! alone! Her tears fell silently,
And through my tears I cried,
"Poor soul, I marvel that thou dost not see
Who waits with thee outside."
But she made answer, "Ever in my dreams
I see One crowned with thorn,
Alone upon a height, his shadow seems
To make the world forlorn.
I hear the mockers cry--'His life is loss
Himself he cannot save'--
Then lo! I stand by a deserted cross,
Beside an empty grave,
I see no more; they tell me he prevailed,
He reigns in bliss complete;
I know the thorns, the cross, and if he failed
I know his death was sweet.
But if today he liveth--who was dead
Is he within the gate?
I know not how my heart is comforted,
I know not why I wait."
